Alice

This journal I still update...but I don't see a point because my main one is
www.livejournal.com/~industrialeve
Its just always so hard to change screennames or LJ handles because you have to move your network of people. But I started updating ~industrialeve this past summer when I wanted to have thoughts to myself. So I'll still occasionally put some thoughts on this one, but not as regular as my otherone.
I also have a myspace account /aerisangelpwn which i swore I would not succumb to, but its not very serious. ( you won't see me committing suicide online anytime soon)

Today was the first day of REAL winter, I am actually drinking hot coffee to warm up. :3
Anyways, I have one more semester left until I am basically forced to go to Asu or U of A or some place other than SCC. I am running out of classes to take, pretty soon I'll have to take junior level chemistry, math, physics, etc...

My schedule for next semester:
9:30-10:15am MWF honors english
10:30-11:45 wtf mwtrf Calculus I w/Geometry
12:20-1:30 mwf Organic chemistry II
7:10-10:30 TR JPn202
total credits-17 :3

Also probably working at least 3 days a week :3

This final portion of my semester is me trying to not look like a baglady because of my seriously sortage of hours during the day. My idea of living apparently is how much can I get away with in one day? How many cups of coffee does it take to be able to keep my eyes open for 18 hours + daily? How long can you procrasinate doing 8 sections of math, 25 pages of japanese workbook,2 chapters of psychology,2 lab reports, and an ACS study guide.
I can tell you the answer!
Due at the end of next week :DDDD horray I get an a for being extra special, as in need of some help.

Also I am saving up for the following:
Nice Laptop
playstation III *fuxers better remake ffVII or Imma be pissed
car

Im sure I can list more but by next fall I will need to have these things. A car mainly because of the extrememly complex psychology of deprivity my parents seem to think is appropriate behavior...
So yes I will buy a car within the next year. I have my eye especailly on the Honda Civic Hybrid that has just been released. Because fucking 53mi/gallon *sweeeeeeet
So if you do the math that 795miles if you have a 15 gallon capacity.

So whatever Im slowly becoming a more consistent person. I am finally making close to straight A's and next semester I'll make sure that I time manage better *I am getting better though, I swear my ADD is becoming more like OCD and so instead of getting nothing done, Im getting tons of stuff done, but instead I comprimise things like relationships and brushed hair.
So next semester my goal is this
to be able to get all my shit done and also keep my hair brushed....
Is it possible? Is it truely possible?? Well time and motivation will ultimately reveal the truth.

So on my book list.... Lets see I am currenly reading memoirs of a geisha (again) wow talk about sociopyschological influencing * aka reading something just because the movie is coming out
Also Phantom Tollbooth, Neuromancer by William Gibson, Bram Stoker's "Dracula"

On my manga list I am reading Shoujo Beat and currently the manga featured is really f***ing good. Like NaNa, Baby and Me, and Absolute Boyfriend. I am also reading Full Moon Sagashite and completely demolished Hot Gimick in a matter of hours.... oh honey let me tell you Hot Gimick is as addictive as cocaine.

As far as anime goes, I have been trying to find anime that actually has some intelligence to it. I like El Hazard, but that is still Old School. Full Moon Sagashite has an anime, which hopefully I'll be able to get my hands on sooner or later. Also FFVII advent children was just beautiful. I also really liked the OVA that came with my version. I have ordered some other anime off netflix and will review them sooner or later, but we'll see because I need to finish this semester first. I then plan on do some hardcore anime brainwashing in which I can further assess the anime supply out there....*sigh* such a daunting task...

As far as music goes, I have found some awesome stuff thanks to Elvy
Yuki Kajiura has some awesome stuff off Xento Saga2 and Tasuba Reservior is loaded with hella good stuff. Also please please please get yourself to listen to the Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone complex song "inner universe"! *diez from awesomeness*

Also I saw Dani again!! YAY! I had so much fun with her last weekend. We went to Urban Cafe on mill ave and then we walked around in our matching school girl attire.

I'll be back tuesday for those who are curious.
This coming semester I'm taking organic chemsitry, precalc, eng101 (finally) pyschology, and conversational japanese (not ready for the 301 they offer)
So yay I made an A in chemistry. Considering I watched enough Law and Order to pass criminal justice I am very proud of myself.
I need to get myself up to speed on my japanese again so I watched some anime.
Blame! is really good if you like esoteric shit and when I mean esoteric I mean, you make up the plot line. Hehe those crazy japanese.
Speaking of which, go check out the female android they've created. She's pretty and people treat her like human. @_@
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4714135.stm
So ya, I am disapointed at how disenfranctized I've become. Like I can say whatever the hell I want and I'm sure nobody would even read it. I could make death treats to important political parties and guess what, I still won't be a terrorist. I'd be a nobody.

SO I think I've decided to take this digital thing analog. From now on don't expect too much out of this except maybe a picture or two.
I've read three books this week. A Clockwork Orange, A Million Little Pieces, and The Perks of Being a Wall Flower. Other than that i"m not an interesting person and I have no exciting adventures to tell you about.

I still dont know how the F*** I'm supposed to dig myself out of this rut I've fallen into.

My current schedule is as follows.
Wake up at 10 or 11 am
Drink coffee with mom
Go on Scavenger hunt for food with mom, try to find A/C
Panic cuz I have a tons of homework
Frantically finish my work
Drive on the 101 of doom and make it to class by 545
Attend class realize I'm hungry/thirsty
Go home, deal with thirst/hunger
Watch Law and Order or whatever is shows come on between channels 26 and 28
Pass out from exhastion

repeat....

So ya I know what is wrong. A) I should wake up at a decent hour (like 8am or 9am) B) I should do my work earily so I dont have last minute panic attacks C) I should watch less Television and probably get out of the house and do something with myself.
On a brighter note class is over the twenty first then I'm going to go on vacation till August 2nd!

Now that I am disconnecting myself from the emotionally painful and unstable events of my life I have regained some control and sense of self-worth.
I went to Wonder on Saturday night at the IceHouse with a girl I just became friends with in Chem class and her good male friend.
The first person I encountered upon parking my car was Nai Wang. He was drink off his ass, reeked of hard liquor and had just been kicked out for possesion at the rave. He gave me a hug and said Wang Beats probably won't be resurrected for a good while. But all the better he is pretty damn creepy.


So into the depths of bass and hearing loss I enter the rave only to lose track of my friend. Gary and I searched a good 45 minutes until we realized she probably was just waiting by the car. Sure enough waiting by my car was a teary eyed Kristen.

So ya, Kristen has a heart defibulator. She said she felt uneasy with the heavy bass and couldn't get past the front room. So I pulled my charming puppy dog eyes, told an exaggerated "my friend will probably have a heart attack" line and sure enough we were able to get escorted to the back outdoor set where the bass was way more difused. Once instead, we all went crazy and danced till around three am. I also ran into Lauren and Anothny looking sauve which cheered me up.
So I'm finally having tear-free nights, normal dreams (without torture or mental asylums) and eating has resumed to three or more normal meals instead of eating when mom forces me.

I am currently reading this book about techinques of brain developement.
The first section of the book talks about the effects of understiumlation and the decreased capacity to learn.
When the brain is not used enough, the cerebral cortex actually shrinks in size. There is actually significant physical evidence that your body chemistry changes with life experience, including the structure of your nerve endings. In short, the more sit in your room playing on the game cube in isolation for hours, the more your body changes its stucture to accomodate this lifestyle.

Can anybody say confused and shaken up?
I feel really strange about the relationships in my life right now. But what can a girl do... (Besides watch Law and Order SVU with the hot asian psychologist)

So I hope nobody is too upset over my run and hide response. I flaked on everyone this week. If you are let me know, so I can take you out for free drinks.

I want to apologize to anyone who feels I neglect them. I really am just an anti-social girl most of the time, and its seems like I don't ever have enough energy to do everything it is I do.
But aside from excuses, I really will make more of an effort to keep in touch with people.

Also Serenity Pre-screen tomorrow....Like I've repeated myself many times over but whatever. I'm excited as all getout and I'm just drolling over getting to see it again.

So Nana is a really cute manga. I like how its kind of like a soap opera in modern day Japan. I think its a good change from angels and mechs...although don't get me wrong I'm all for the angels and mechs.

Tons of emo book nerds are always smoking outside of work . There are a couple of regulars I notice now.
Joe, some creepy fat smoker kid that thinks his laptop makes him cool.
This other loser who is bald in the front and rest of his hair which he keeps in a ponytail (which is the grossest hair I've ever witnessed EVER).
He hands shake pretty badly too when he hands me his money.
Also some cool kid named Jeff, who looks old but is really just in highschool.
The chick I worked with tonight is pregnant and her crew of fellow emos were parked outside, smoking cloves and reading the "Get out" newsprint.

After work Daniel came over and we walked around the park and he talked about drugs. I'm worried about how much he's declined over the past years I've known him. But I think he's attracted to addiction, I think its too much of his identity and quitting drugs would mean re-defining himself.

Seriously need to finish my book so I can go spend my hard earned money on more books tomorrow.

Its pretty late and I'm tired from work but I need to check in.
Considering the state of turmoil in my life currently, I think I'm cleaning my emotional wreckage pretty decently.
Of course I have to admit, every night I still feel painfully lonely. I still look at the phone or the computer screen and feel nothing but a empty void.

But I'm inching my way towards feeling somewhat okay again.
I'm on page 300 something in Battle Royale, right in the middle of the massacre. I netflixed the X-Files movie and balked over David Duchovny's sexiness. Have a whole reading list I can't wait to start on.

Khanh emailed me this morning which means he is loitering at a Vietnamese cyber cafe. He mentioned Louis Vutton, which means he bought me some cheap faux crap. Although, Third world labor is premium.

Serenity screening on June 23rd! Although tickets sold out nationally in 9 minutes or less, I still intend on scalping again. This time I might not be so lucky since Serenity's reputation has been leaking out to the public. That and many people were unable to score tickets this time...

So ya I have to study all my fun chemistry stuff tomorrow and hang out and read my book. I'm writing a semi-short story at the moment and have plenty of work to keep my mind and emotions occupied, at least for now.

I have a dangerous craving for chocolate cake and earl grey tea, but I really need to sleep right now and make myself useful tomorrow.

Cross my fingers on those tickets....

All these coolkids,
they are too cool for you,
are they real, do they feel
plastic in their aspects
project children, general next,
Can we have something better
cant we make it all better

They are part of the scene,
but what does that mean,
Havent they the sense
give up their last defense

the nobody becomes somebody
and the somebody goes away

the steps to replacement
the invisible lines
these cool kids with their theories
are robbed of their minds

This is a little story about the double life.
One you have and one you wish you had.
Devious and anonymous.

I don't know you.

Tons of emo chicks on myspace pseudo dating blog.

Favorite Music: J-POP, Electro-Clash, Trance/Dance
Favorite Groups: T.M. Revolutions, The Faint, Jimmy eat world, The killers, Ayumi Hamasaki, Maaya Sakamoto, DDR compilations
Favorite Movies: Serenity, Gattaca, Cowboy Bebop, KillBill , Pulpfiction, Ghostworld, Fifth Element, Resident Evil, Lain, Battle Royale
Favorite Shows: Firefly, X-files, 4400, Law and Order SVU, The O.C., Sailor Moon (regular and live action),BBC The Office,Lain
Favorite Games: Doom , Quake , Return to Castle, Zelda, Pacman
Type of guy- Pretty School boyz
Things I have yet to try: Japan
Favorite books: Anything by Laurie Nataro, Anything by Chuck Palahniuk especially "Choke", Catcher in the Rye, Ender's Game
Favorite Comics: Automatic Kafka, Lore, Lenore, The red star, Hot Gimick
Favorite Drink: Ice Mocha from Seattle Espresso, Mudslide mix, White Russian, and especially a "firefly"

Summer Glau played a paranoid schizophrenic that was one of the 4400. She calms that microphones in the walls transmit to submarines under the Atlantic ocean where her doctors spy on her. She has some mute crazy friend that is protective of her, so much so he attacks on of the main characters.
He gives her a H.P. Lovecraft book and she proceeds to draw pictures consisting of a futuristic and creepy communication device that can summon forth "them" and seems to influence anyone within her jurisdiction of mind control. Pretty soon this device is erected and everyone including staff members seem under to be driven to build this machine.
At the end of the episode, they all get the triangulation to work, it emits a weird high frequency and everyone is knocked to the ground. At the end, her weird mute friend is cured and turns out to be some genius neuro-scientist that was working on unfolding dormant pathways in the brain that control telekinesis and what not.
All and all Summer played a very good disturbed girl, complete with red circles under her eyes. Her lines consist of mainly gibberish and poetry and my favorite line was "SHHH, they'll come back and stick needles into my brain"

Okay time to turn off my rev-ed up caffeinated system.

Hello Kitty Mind Control Candy

So its past midnight now, I made shit for tips but I don't care. My apron is pretty. :D
Still looking to see if they are going to have a third Serenity screening. There are rumors about Thursday June 23 at 10:00pm at Az Mills, but tickets haven't presented themselves yet. I am hoping to get some committments out of people to join me to see the best movie ever.
Anyways, I'm tired and caffeinated. The combination sucks. You can't sleep but you want to.
Thats okay, I have plenty of Law and order SVU and X-files on board. Not to mention Summer Glau has a guest apperance on the 4400. Ya I know I can watch Law and Order and X-files like a studious asian kid. Its just eating oreo cookies and listening to j-pop. Never gets old, ever.
Yes I know my obsessive love for David Duchovny that will never pan out ever, but escapism is fun, really fun.
Next time I work I'll have to drink decaf and layoff the sugar. I makes a huge difference when it comes to the whole caffeine comedown/sugar crash. I'd be able to sleep right about now if I knew how to resist chocolate.
Unfortunately I can't. Chocolate has the ultimate control...

I have so much qualitative analysis to finish this week. This class is uber hardcore, its like a chemical scavenger hunt.
I only really confirmed sulfate as being in my "unknown" which I wasn't to impressed with myself. I'm going to have to wing some additional side work to try to identify between 3 and 5 other anions. ~_~
Also I start work tonight. I am all ready with my cute black and white outfit. I feel pretty scatter-brained right now.
ALso Ben called me from a gaybar last night...He was out with his friend Justin(gay Justin) that lives in Capitol Hill. I guess they both grew up white-trash together and then both ended up in unaffordable em0land. I wonder how he likes his $1,000 1 bedroom studio rent?
I think Seattle is just something you have to purge out of your system. I mean okay, I understand you need to live here for a year or two, and get broke and depressed (assuming you aren't a trust-fund baby or what-have you) and come back wanting to see the skyline again.
So ya I mean don't get me wrong, seattle is beautiful, especially this time of year, but it is still a subarctic rain forest. It's still too expensive to approach a comfortable living situation. It's still full of rich emo kids.
So when it all comes down to it, I dont really know how to gage people's reasoning behind why? I barely know the answer to my why, let alone anyone else's.

I am offcially freed of the vicodin addicted, rabies infested,hypochondriacs of the pharmaceutical population.
As of yesterday I have a new job being awesomeness.
I'll have to learn how to re-manage my time however, being I'm so used to endless amounts of it.
I cant wait though. I have to go shopping for black pants and the like, but at least I dont have to be afraid of catching TB next time I'm handed prescriptions for three simultaneous anti-biotics via intramuscular injection.

I hate controlling people. Especially when they can give their word and preform altercation on a whole chuck of people.
Its all puppetry and sickness as far as I'm concerned.
Insecurity stemming from the depths of unchecked subconsciousness scarred with emotional trauma.

They crave to deliver the pain delivered onto them.

Finding their puppets, lost in their own disconnect and vulnerable to those who know they want approval. And how they will change in the flash of an eye, their happy faces quickly diminished to whatever emotion they are told to feel.

It never changes.

So all this time and I never knew Melissa lived in my square mile. I wonder how I could know her throughout the Gakuen School and even as far back as GR in 5th grade and still be left in the dark.

Chad's family has invited me to their Memorial day dinner. Which means mega-gourmet Food Network style goodness. If watching too much The Food Network ever had a pay-off it would be dinner at Chad's.
After wards I am going to celebrate my last hours of precious freedom in a maximum vegetative state.
I am not that excited about the amount of time I have to be physically present in class and the laboratory but at least I'm already two chapters ahead of the class and I know how my professor grades.
And no I don't have to date him to make an A in his class.
Poor confused adults.